Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Wednesday--how is it already Wednesday??

I can't believe I've been out here a whole week. Tell that to my follicles.

They're stubborn. They really didn't grow on the right--AGAIN. The left ones are growing better. The u/s tech said "maybe we'll just go for the ones on the left." Ummmm, yeah. Shut up. I'm so sure I'm just going to ignore the ovary with 14-15 follicles.

My E2 went to 3388. So it went up, but not by much. My nurse said they'd be much more concerned if the E2 had gone down or plateaued. They're upping my GonalF tonight back to 150 and I'm continuing with the microdose HCG. We'll meet with Dr. M tomorrow right after the u/s. My nurse swore she wasn't really that concerned....but I'm fairly sure it's not in their protocol to say: "Yup, things are sucking. We're all really worried, this cycle's in the crapper."

LH went to 1.6 and P4 is 0.8. has been stressful. There were tears after the u/s tech's comments and then the nurse who did the immediate consult (not the nurse I talked to on the phone later with the lab results) said something about having really pokey follicles and told me to relax, get a massage, go shopping, etc. Well, I did get the massage. We'll see what happens next.

I'm trying to keep that attitude of: it's a vacation with a chance of embryos. But it's so hard when you get out here, when you do so much to get ready, when you think think think you might have a smidgen of a chance, and then things stall out.

Mr. LastChance has been so supportive and sweet. He was like: "Get the massage! What's another 35 bucks on top of 80,000?" He's right. Maybe I should've gotten the full hour!

I don't know why this has to be hard. I am so envious of folks for whom IVF works--the first time. Obviously I'm envious of people who never even have to set foot inside a fertility clinic, or even think about anything outside of their own bedroom when it comes to having a baby, but that's water under the bridge now, right?

This is my life.
These are my ovaries.
This my journey.

Thanks for coming along for the ride.


  1. I SO wish that your right ovary would just stop its pouting and produce! What the U/S tech said was really un-cool. I would have been like, "Oh yeah? I'd like to see YOU go through umpteen IVFs, blow through $80,000 dollars, and arrive at your last chance for a bio baby... and THEN think of repeating that statement!!!" Give me that tech's number. I'll tell'em! =)

    Trust me, I understand the envy....but probably not on the same level as you do. I'm so sorry that this is a reality for you.

    We're all here for you -- for the duration of the ride and beyond.

  2. Ugh. This isn't what I was hoping to hear today. Hopefully things pick up tomorrow...maybe you just need to progressively up stims during your cycle? I'm always trying to be positive, but I know how it feels...I'm ridiculously jealous of the people who get pregnant on their first IVF...I don't even think about the ones who didn't even have to do IF treatments or IVF...that world doesn't really exist to me, it would probably get me upset. (like my SIL who will DIE if this one is another girl...hate that).

    Anyway, I will say a prayer tonight for you and your follies. Hang in there.

  3. Ugh!!! I think my lining and your ovaries said screw you guys, I'm tired of you controlling me, I'm doing my own thing, take that! Hugs

  4. I'm thinking about you all the time, and just hoping, hoping, hoping. Sorry I just discovered this was here- what a dum dum. Of course, you knew that.

  5. this is lisa from meinsideout

    thinking of you!! I had a real skank for my first u/s - these people need to find another profession!

    hoping for a great retrieval report soon.

  6. I am here thinking of you. I have been all day. I will give you a call tomorrow. One breath at a time. One step at a time. Remember, by you taking this last chance, there is a chance.

  7. People just don't know what their comments do to people and they are so woefully ignorant of what to say sometimes. I'm sorry that you had to hear that from the u/s tech and the nurse. Double whammy when you need it the least! At least you have your regroup with the Dr. today and she is keeping such a close eye on your cycle. I think it's a good sign toon that your E2 is continuing to rise and hopefully your follies will show some growth tomorrow!