Mr. LastChance and I just finished watching Project Runway. It's one of our guilty pleasures and it has been a long time waiting for this season to finally get going.
Tonight the challenge was a new one--design a maternity look for Rebecca Romijn.
When I was little I used to play 'pregnant' and put a pillow under my shirt. When Mr. LastChance and I started trying and knew a pregnancy was justaroundthecorner I would sometimes show him what I'd look like by doing the same thing--and he would always grab me and say how adorable I was going to look.
I've been told before that pregnancy isn't necessarily fun...that the body changes in ways that are kind of gross and unattractive, and that things are never the same. I've witnessed this up close and personal. I can grasp that concept intellectually. But it doesn't mean I don't want my chance. I happen to think that a healthy pregnant woman is beautiful. I want to be that healthy pregnant woman.
When I watch things like tonight's episode of PR and see all those pregnant bellies (which were really ridiculous looking by the way--stick skinny models with a fake gigantic belly sticking straight out) I am reminded of how normal it is to assume you will get to have this experience. All the judges were females and they all laughed and told the contestants that they had all been pregnant so they really knew what they were talking about! It was said so naturally, so lightly, but it stung me.
It doesn't matter that we have other options to consider that we're excited about. Options that don't involve a pregnant belly of my own.
It doesn't take away from my longing for that. It doesn't take away that bellyache.
Please please please don't let next week's challenge be designing some designer newborn duds or matching Mommy and me outfits--or Mr. LastChance and I will have to find another guilty pleasure!
Up tomorrow: my first consult with Dr. M about the upcoming transfer. I've got my articles ready, my list of questions written out....does anyone have any thoughts on the swine flu?
2 years ago