It was bound to happen.
First hope came crawling back, begging for a second chance.
Now I find fear clawing at my back door again, desperate to get in.
I've been thinking about our embryos. Six normal looking embryos. More than we've ever had. Good stuff for us.
But vitrified on day 3.
Not grown to blast. Not biopsied and sent for super high tech genetic testing.
Just plain vanilla day 3 embies.
Should we have pushed? Should we have chosen to do genetic testing?
I don't know, I don't know.
I've been reading blogs like crazy--blogs I've never ever read before. I keep 'happening' upon stories of successful day 3 transfers. Which then leads to me thinking: "Ok, day 3s can work." I know some beautiful day 3 transfer babies in real life, for God's sake--I know they can work. But being in the world that is CC.R.M. puts me around a lot of ladies doing CGH blast transfers. I feel like I'm out of my league completely.
So then fear starts creeping in. Why would it work for me?
And then the complete opposite--if we transfer four, what happens if three take?
At which point I usually start laughing manically in my head (not out, loud, I'm not that crazy.....yet) thinking: our odds are low that only one would take, why in the f would I be worried about multiples?
At which point maniacal self starts doing that whole "wouldn't it be just like us to just want plain vanilla and wind up with wild triple fudge ripple stripe with nuts and cherries and whipped cream?"
I think I'm cracking up and I know I'm rambling here.
On a different note, I'm still full-on sugar. I can't help it. It's been such an overwhelmingly good feeling to know I can at least eat what I want for this week or so without feeling guilt or panic that I've just ruined my egg quality. Plus all this back and forth arguing in my own brain tends to bring out some stress eating...
oh the joys of the last chance ivf!
2 years ago