Seriously? We could be going out for a transfer in 1.5 weeks?
Of course, I promise I am not counting chickens before they hatch. A lot could go down between now and then...the lining could be freakin' 25 mm on Friday, my estrogen could be too low, my embryos could not thaw properly, yadda yadda yadda. But right this minute I choose to believe we will take a little plane ride next Tuesday night and go in for a little old transfer on Wednesday. I can feel the Valium now, and it feels good.
Speaking of Valium, why can't they prescribe two or three of those, or let's face it--enough to get me through the 2WW completely zonked out. That sounds delicious to me at this point.
When I have thought about this lastchance IVF, I have never really thought about the outcome. Sounds dumb, right? But it's so much easier to float that hope along by keeping my brain just on the surface, never dipping too deep, because dipping in deep means thinking about the end. And yes, I know what I've said here--it's all in black and white after all--about how when this is over it's really over, we're done. And how I don't feel as emotionally fraught this go around.
Well maybe I lied a little bit. Because all those other days I wasn't here yet, staring down the barrel of the 'it's almost over' gun.
The thing is: I really really want this to work. Sssshhhhhhhhhhh.
So those who've known me for a while, and know my old stomping ground as well, know that I bake when I stress. So guess what? Seven homemade loaves of bread later...I'm still a little stressed. I posted pics over there....and tonight I might try a recipe for pumpkin spice cream cheese cupcakes. And I was perusing a magazine last night and saw about thirteen other recipes I am dying to try...
Breathe in, breathe out.
Knead in, roll out.
2 years ago