Sunday, November 15, 2009

The highs and the lows...

The highs:
  • Coming home to fresh flowers from our pet sitter. She always sits for us for all our Colorado escapades and she--like many people--really want this for us. We always come home to fresh flowers.
  • Coming home to a handmade card from Stacey, one of my IRL bestest friends. She is a writer and her words are beautiful. I'm not sure I have lived up to/can live up to everything she wrote in there, but I try :)
  • Coming home to furbabies. Need I say more?
  • Being PUPO X4. I know it doesn't quadruple our chances, but still...
  • Receiving a beautiful "Hope on a String" bracelet from P. It is delicate and beautiful--just like the hope I feel.
The lows:
  • Doubt creeping in. Why would this time be any different? True, we did a lot of different things--FET, biopsies, transferring four...but will they lead to a different outcome?
  • Did I mention doubt?
  • Did I?
  • Don't feel a thing-you know, I so hoped I could feel some little twinge here or there to let me know someone had stuck around.
We are halfway through the 2WW already. That's definitely something. We keep reminding ourselves that this is Plan B. We do, in fact, have a Plan A that is fairly well executed already. But right now the focus is all on Plan B.

I really want this to work.

Did I mention that?

I find myself reading blogs and posts about positive day 3 transfers and going--nearly each and every time--"Huh! They can work!"

I hate the 2 WW.


  1. Please repeat after me: no signs are a good sign! Seriously, you do not want to be feeling anything. Jill went through this same exact thing. Go back and read her posts about it.

    Also, remember how good your embies looked on Day 3 when they thawed. Remember how positive Dr. S was. This is completely different than all your other transfers. It's like comparing apples and oranges.

    I hear you about the doubt. I'm going to post soon on how I've been dealing with that. The only way to counter it is to stop it in it's tracks. Replace it with a positive thought or image. You can do this!!

  2. Ohhhh. The two week wait is dreadful...thinking of you and thinking positive thoughts for you. Hang in there!

  3. Thinking of you and wishing you all the best during the 2WW!

  4. I really want this to work too. You sound so much like me with your emotions...I can be so high on hope and then have it all crash down when the doubt starts creeping in...I think you should go with PUPO and rest and think about how you and Mr. Lastchance have the best shared secret ever, for now...

  5. The two week wait is torture. Feeling nothing is, well, normal.

    I'm with Phoebe - just focus on whatever you can that's good. The doubt will always creep in, you can just do your best to refocus.

    Holding so, so much hope for you.

  6. I know this time is torturous for you and I wish there was something I could do to speed up the clock. I remember this time clearly, I had NO symptoms, NONE, nada! I swore I was out and then I bled the day before beta and was convinced it was over, but it wasn't, I rec'd the shock of my life that I was finally pg. All my other cycles I had little twinges or pinches, I thought it had worked and it hadn't. So do not stress about no symptoms. Hoping and praying for you all week! Hugs

  7. This was always the worst part of the 2ww for me - feeling nothing, doubt creeping in, IT SUCKS! I always just did what I had to do to stay sane.

    Thinking of you and hoping with all that I have!

    Lisa from meinsideout

  8. I hate the 2ww. Day 3 transfers actually really do work almost as well as day 5 transfers (at least my old RE wrote a whole article on this). (especially if you put 4 in!). So, hang in there. I know how hard it is...and I know google is getting a workout...but I've seen a TON of women over the years get pregnant and have babies with day 3 transfers. And, since we did an FET too, I remember not feeling a damn thing and getting so upset about it. You aren't supposed to feel anything yet! Though some extra boob pain and a little nausea would be nice:-) Hugs.

  9. we're waiting and rooting for you as well! :)


  11. :::Doing a cheer for you at my desk:::

    I agree...the first thing I thought was, "Jill didn't have ANY symptoms, and now she's pregnant!" =)

    I know the half-way point must be one of the most nerve wracking stops on this journey. It sucks, and I wish it didn't have to be this way......but my hope for you springs eternal!

  12. Keep your chin up during the 2ww:) I am still sending positive vibes your way:)

    And, YES, 3dt transfer do work!!:):)

  13. Oh ugh - the 2ww...there's no way around it and the only way is through it so hang in there. There are so many stories about people who felt no symptoms during this time and I have heard so many stories of day 3 transfers working. I've been sending you sticky vibes but I am more than happy to send you some boob pain vibes with Sue if you want :). We're all still walking alongside you right now - can you feel us??

  14. Oh my goodness, I can't believe I plain simple missed your last couple of posts!!! Oh my goodness!!! I am so sorry for not being there to hold your hand in the last few days, but I'm here now! I'm doing my cheerleading dance for you, and I'm going to light candles for you starting this evening. Good luck my dear! I so so want this to work for you!

    Since you and I have had rotten luck as far as IF is concerned, I feel a special bond with you, and I REALLY want this to work for you. I need this to work, to restore my faith in the universe!


  15. That 2WW is just a continuous wave of optimism and despair, and that no matter what you do it never seems to get any shorter.

    I just felt something in the corner of my eye- an eyelash! I blew it away and wished for your Plan B, your success this time and your true happiness. I guess the eyelash itself ends up on the floor and gets vacuumed up, but maybe the wish really does blow into the universe and mean something?

  16. Three day transfers certainly can work. And I am so, so hopeful that yours will. You really deserve this. Hoping, wishing, praying for you.