I guess it's common, but I definitely start to feel this 'writy writy' thing start to happen when a cycle is gearing up/picking up steam. Posts swirl around and around in my brain all the time.
So here I am.
Last night I dreamed that I showed up at CC.R.M. and everyone was glum, because they knew my estrogen wasn't high enough. Dr. M showed up and said she needed to do a little uterine fluffing and pulled out this big ol catheter (like the one from the biopsy!) and I started telling her how painful the biopsies were and she was super sympathetic..then rooted around in my uterus and told me everything looked beautiful! There were nurses suddenly everywhere and they all cheered.
The dreams have commenced!
On another note, I read a lot of blogs. On my old place I recently linked to a bunch of new ones. What frequently happens is I start following new ones and then they have success and then I feel sad and then I find new ones to follow that are still struggling. It's a neverending cycle, kind of like IF. It's not that I don't want anyone else to have success--duh!--but I also need to know I'm not alone.
But here's the thing: if I click on a new blog and see that someone is still in the throes of Clomid cycles, or just starting an injectible IUI...well, I'm less likely to want to follow. Does that make me a bad person? I know, I know, I know this is not a pain olympics. I know that when I was facing my first BFN from our first Clomid IUI I thought the world was coming to an end. Hell, when I first started taking Clomid period I thought the world was coming to an end.
The point is: where you are in your infertility struggle right that very moment is the worst it's been. I have to constantly remind myself of that.
On another note, I have always felt very alone in my 'real life' regarding infertility. That dreadful '1 in 6' statistic just has not applied in my real world existence to my friends and family.
But I think I may have infected my workplace.
I have recently learned of three others struggling. Out of 60+ employees we still don't quite make the stats, but it was like "Eureka! I'm not a freaka." And I've sorta become the resident IF expert.
But man, men are different. One of my coworkers is male and he and his wife are dealing with IF. So one day he just plops down in my office and says "So you did all the infertility stuff, right?" Just like that. No sensitivity at all. Typical male--he was gathering information. It was ok. He's a doctor. He wants the facts. He wasn't even daunted by our failures. He'd read the same New England Journal of Medicine article that I had that said it is reasonable to do six IVFs to have success.
So success or no, at least I can be a resource.
It's something, right?
3 years ago