Monday, October 26, 2009

We're Fated To Pretend...

Yeah, it's overwhelming, but what else can we do?
Get jobs in offices, and wake up for the morning commute?

Here here MGMT. It is overwhelming. And so what do I do? Wake up for the morning commute, I guess.

When I'm stressed out I tend to blast music very, very loudly in my car. That MGMT song was the last one playing and it's been in my head all day long...

The last few days have been fraught with anxiety over this cycle, I just wanted things to go easily, and then I remembered it was ME we're talking about, nothing ever goes easily.

Long story short: I spotted and bled on the endometrin. Who knew that would happen? We didn't know whether it was my period or just irritation, or just because of the biopsies. They finally took me off the endometrin on Friday midday and said to wait for a 'real period' but instead, having the body/uterus that I do, I bled a little more and then it started tapering off.


This afternoon I went and had an ultrasound to find that yes, Virginia, that was my period. My lining is only 3 mm so there's nothing left to 'wait for.' Which means I really have no idea what cycle day this is, no idea whether starting the Vivelle patches is going to work because normally you start those on CD1 or CD2...clearly that's not today.


I'm waiting on another phone call from my nurse but she said her gut feeling is that we'll just push forward with starting the patches and see what develops. I don't know if it's too late, I just don't know anymore.

It was all because of their scheduling issues. The whole reason I had to buy a $350 med that ended up causing more problems than anything, the whole reason I might be canceled, the whole reason those biopsies might be in vain. Yes, I know I'm getting ahead of myself but still. Their stupid scheduling! I cannot think about this any longer, because it makes me so mad.

We were visiting my Dad this weekend. Mr. LastChance took his acoustic guitar so we could sing together. I know, right? But my Dad loves to sing and at this point I'll do anything to make him happy.

We sang "Will the Circle Be Unbroken."

After we had to leave for the weekend he called me, sobbing, saying he doesn't want the circle to be broken.

Me either Dad.

Me either.

My heart breaks for him. It breaks for me. It breaks for all of the wonderful women I know who are struggling to complete their own circle.

Can't we all just get a little break?

EDIT TO UPDATE: Yes, they called and said slap on a patch. Get a lining check and labwork this Friday, after only five-ish maybe we'll be able to see if the lining is starting to do its thing and also if the lab values indicate we can suppress ovulation. The nurse seemed optimistic...I remain guarded.


  1. I wish I could give you a break. Not sure about the start day for the vivelle, but I know 3 is really thin (in a good way), so *maybe* it's not too late? Really, I just want to give you a big hug. Love that MGMT song, btw.

  2. OMGosh, I can't believe it! This sucks!!! I say go ahead with patches when they instruct you to and hopefully your lining will develop perfectly and the biopsies won't be in vain. I know it's a risk either way. Darn scheduling issues! I am so frustrated for you!!!! Someone please give this girl a break!!!

  3. I'm sorry you're in this crappy situation because of their schedule. It just isn't right. AT ALL.

  4. HATE the stupid scheduling crap - it seems so unfair to do that to us on top of everything else. I ovulated through my antagonist o a long scheduling delay and had to pay ridiculous amounts of money because that cycle wasn't considered part of my package deal. Grrr!

    Love that song, by the way. I can't imagine signing it with your dad without being drowned out by tears. The real truth, of course, is that the bigger circle won't ever be broken if love is keeping it together. But you already knew that...

  5. Gah - I would choke someone. I am glad you will be spending some time with your dad.

  6. Sheesh.
    I won't even pretend to understand the nuances of the IVF scheduling, un-scheduling, re-scheduling game.
    Or the meds, days, etc. etc.
    Just know that I'm still here, cheering you on.
    hoping, praying... swearing in intervals! :)

  7. I'm glad to hear that you had some quality time with your Dad and I think it's so sweet that you sang with him to cheer him up.

    Here is my silver lining thought on your cycle...obviously, our bodies have a mind of their own BUT it does seem that you did have AF so why not work with what it is going to do anyway (i.e. grow a new lining)? This time with the added Vivelle paches, you are working with what your body is already doing so you're kind of working with it and not against it (new concept I know). I checked my FET and I didn't start my patches until CD3. If we assume that Friday was your CD0 (the day you stopped progesterone), than really, Monday is CD3 so you're right on schedule. It still sucks, but things can still be okay. Keep telling yourself that you're helping your body do what it wants to do already okay?

    P.S. I sent you (via Lost in Space) a photo of myself with some lucky charms so you will finally know what I look like :)

  8. Know that I'm screaming for you from afar and the words I'm using aren't pretty. *big sigh*

    In looking for the positive, I was wondering if the very thin lining even at this stage of the game is "normal" for you or if it is normally thicker even at the beginning of your cycle. I hope it shows that those biopsies really did their job.

    I hope those patches do their job and get your cycle jump-started so everything falls into place.

    Many hugs for all the frustrations. I can only imagine!!

  9. ARGH! I hate that you had to go thru all of this just to satisfy a schedule. I'm really hoping that the patches work just as they should and all is well, despite the stress.

  10. That just sucks Ashley. And your Dad's call broke my heart. Know that we are rooting for you and wishing you both the happy result you soooooooooooooo deserve to get elliejxxxx

  11. GRRRRR!!!!! That's putting it nicely too :) I am in the annoyed boat with you and everyone else that you've had to make these sacrifices and changes all for their stupid schedule. I'm sorry that you have to add this stress on top of everything else!

    And if you ever have a spare moment when your here visiting and want to meet for coffee or something, let me know! Although I know that time is precious since you're in different cities. If not I'll catch you in your town very soon! Hugs to you!!

  12. I read this quickly last night and had to run to answer the phone so I couldn't comment. But I am so upset for you! I'm glad you updated today b/c I was going nuts here...but it still scared me to death that this could so easily have been a cancelled cycle after all you've been through. I can't imagine the amount of anxiety you've been experiencing. I'm saying prayers for a beautiful lining check and perfect lab work on Friday!

  13. It sucketh when things don't go as planned, but I'm hopeful that they can mess with the hormones so that it all works out. I think you are ok with the patches. They build up slowly on them, so it kinda feels like you aren't doing anything at first, but then, before you know it, you've got 4 patches on!! Maybe with all the acu you've been doing, you don't need to worry about your lining getting thick anymore, biopsies or not?! If you need to come out early, we'll cover your back ;) I'm sure work will understand, and it's not that much to change a flight. You know where to find a friend when you are in need ;)