Monday, October 19, 2009

Infertility brain

I swear I make up these awesome interesting posts in my head while showering, exercising, driving, etc. Then I come here, look at the blank box, and go...blank. What ends up coming out is just some boring old update.

You've been warned.

I had the second biopsy today. It was much better. OK, much better might be a bit of a stretch, but it wasn't as bad. Mr. LastChance held my hand and that alone made it better. The sample looked to be quite a bit smaller maybe that helped? Whatever. Uterus--your job is to now repair and express beautiful proteins and cytokines and adhesion molecules.

I am spotting with the endo.metrin. I knew I would spot post-biopsy last week and I did, but only for a day. Then a couple of days later more spotting, now it seems to be a regular thing. I'm on CD26 right now and sometimes that's it for me, but with all the endo.metrin things were supposed to lengthen out. I called my nurse and here were here words of profound wisdom: "let's keep an eye on it." Like should I take pictures of my panty-liners and send them in via email? OK, sorry, that was totally gross. I'm just saying: keep an eye on it? I wanted her to say no big deal, it happens on endo.metrin but she didn't. Humph. That just makes me worry.

My doctor looked at my lining--it was only 11. Huh? The girl with the super thick lining (usually nearing 20 at this point) only has an 11? Please someone tell me this is because of the endo.metrin and the biopsies? That is all.I.need. -- to now be worried about a thinner lining this next month.

So here I am, just using endo.metrin, hoping the spotting doesn't turn into AF. Mr. LastChance and I have had some prettay-prettay (channeling Larry David here...) deep conversations of late about this whole FET. About whether or not it will work. About what that means. I've also been baking and baking and baking...a sure sign of stress/things on my mind.

And then last night: the dream.

I dreamed that I was carrying around an infant carrier with my Dad in it.

And it was all ok. I felt like I had my place in life, I was taking care of my Dad.


One of my friends who's an awesome author sent me an email the other day saying that she now has a new response to the question: why don't you have kids? and it's "because I have parents." She's dealing with some big issues with taking care of her mother....

I guess that seeped into my subconciousness (It was the Ziggy sheets! (sorry, Seinfeld reference and I couldn't resist)).

Wow. Not much more to say, eh?


  1. I am so glad to hear the biopsy wasn't as bad! You're brave my friend!

    11mm is perfect!!! My lining was 9.7mm and we see how that turned out.

  2. I agree with Jill...11 is great. I tend to be on the thicker lining side and always had problems, then last cycle, still thick, but within reasonable limits and...yay! I think 11 sounds good. And, you are very brave...and I'm so glad the biopsies are behind you. Now, how long is it on the endo.metrin? I wanna see this cycle...and that beautiful BFP.

  3. Okay, I have really, really wanted to send pictures of my panties to the nurses too - I mean, come on!

    What a wild dream, HUGS.

    I always had a thick lining and with my IUI cycle it was thinner and it seemed to work - I hope that is the case with you!!!

  4. So I'm officially in crazy wedding lady mode right now, but I just wanted to send you heaps of love and luck! I agree with Jill -- I think 11 sounds great! I know it's different compared to what you're used to, but maybe it's a GOOD different?

    And I'm glad that Lee was able to hold your hand. I still cringe to think of the pain you had to endure. =( Goooooo cytokines!

    I think the dream just goes to show how much your dad's well being is on your mind. As out parents get older, it's natural for us to shift into their old roles, and for them to become more dependent on us. I'm sure that the recent circumstances have made your subconscious more acutely aware of this transition. I still think about your dad a lot, and hope he's improving!

  5. Oh man, you gotta love those weird ass dreams. I can't believe how fast time is going, soon you will be in Colorado and I hope everything goes perfectly.

  6. You just have way too much on your mind/plate right now, girl! Duh, right?

    I hope the spotting is from the biopsies. Seriously, nurses have to know how obsessed and crazy we get over this stuff. "Keep an eye on it..." Like you can just ignore it anyway!!

    Hang in there, friend.