Posty posty

First of all, it seems wrong to even be consumed with my own infertility when there is such devastation in the world. The images from Haiti are simply horrifying.

That being said...I have a lot on my mind lately. Well, always. It seems like I cannot write stuff down quick enough, trying to process, process, process. My list of 'draft posts' is endless.

As far as the lady in the elevator--I really wasn't upset with her for not saying anything. I know I caught her off-guard. I didn't want to steal any of her joy about her own twin miracles--well, not consciously anyway. I just sputtered out what I said before I even had time to think...I wasn't trying to be ballsy or prove anything really. It was just what was on my heart and mind in that very nanosecond and out it came! Scary that we can do that sometimes, eh?

As far as not becoming a basket case in front of friends--that seems to have caused soome heartache for one of my most supportive friends through all of this: Bea over at This Wonderful Crazy Life. It wasn't meant to. She feels bad that I haven't been able to break down and cry with her over our infertility, but really, that's more about me and less about anyone else. I haven't cried with anyone in person...not my Mom, not my sister...no one. Bea's been a huge cheerleader through the past four years and if anything, I'm the douche for not being able to hold and cuddle my goddaughter, baby E, Bea's second daughter. Damn infertility for complicating things so much! After reading her comment it turns out that she was on to me all along--catching those little moments of nearly losing it and crying and then covering up. I guess I'm not that Oscar-award worthy of an actress after all :)

I forgot to tell you guys something about that ELO song used in our video. It was our theme song for all our IVFs. Meaning: I played it in my car driving to and from nearly every monitoring appointment or blood draw. Mr. LC got sick of it but I never, ever did. It just spoke to me (except the French part. Does anyone translate French? Maybe the French part is saying "Hold on tight to you dream--except you and Mr. LC and your dream of kids now quit doing this IVF thing because it isn't going to work. Ya think?) When we were at CC.R.M. I didn't take the CD, but while in the transfer room Mr. LC downloaded it on his laptop and played it just as they were transferring those four beautiful embryos into my uterus. It was almost too much to hear it, to hear the words, at that pinnacle moment. See lyrics below if you're interested, French included.

Hold on tight to your dream
Yeah...hold on tight to your dream
When you see your ship go sailing
When you feel your heart is breaking
Hold on tight..ooh..to your dream

Hmm....it's a long time to be gone
Oh....time just rolls on and on
When you need a shoulder to cry on
When you get so sick of trying
Hold on tight to your dream

When you get so down that you can't get up
And you want so much but you're all out of luck
When you're so downhearted and misunderstood
Just over and over and over you could

Accroches-toi a ton reve
Accroches-toi a ton reve
Quand tu vois ton bateau partir
Quand tu sents ton coeur se briser
Accroches-toi a ton reve.

When you get so down that you can't get up
And you want so much but you're all out of luck
When you're so downhearted and misunderstood
Just over and over and over you could

Yeah....hold on tight to your dream
Yeah....hold on tight to your dream
When you see the shadows falling
When you hear that cold wind calling
Hold on tight to your dream

Ooh yeah
Hold on tight to your dream
Yeah...hold on tight...
To your dream


I will end this blog on a positive/funny note. Mr. LC and I went on one of our patented long trail runs on Sunday. It was 33 degrees and we decided to run the length of the Barton Creek Greenbelt, about 7.5-8 miles. What we failed to remember (and I don't know how, as we know this greenbelt like the back of our hands) is that the creek is currently full, and there are two creek crossings if you run the whole thing.

Whoops.

So um...yeah. That was US, wading across knee deep rushing FREEZING water and then running in soaked shoes and on frozen calves. But all we could do was laugh, and it felt good.

(The laughing, not the frozen water)