Tuesday, March 9, 2010

A vent.

You know, I've been trying to be cheerful in my last posts. And it's not fake, I have been more cheerful in my real life, not just in the blogworld.

So why, why, why, why did my last patient annoy me so much?

Oh wait. I'll tell you why.

Because she's 40. And just had her third baby. And she has complicated type 1 diabetes which makes pregnancy dangerous and difficult. And she brought one of her little hellions with her to the appointment, and he rocketed all around my office the whole time being disrespectful.

He grabbed on to my tiny Curious George doll--given to me during the middle of IVF #2 by a dear coworker who was one of the only ones who ever asked how things were going so it is special to me--and drooled on it. And this kid is around 4-5 so he shouldn't be chewing on my stuffed animals (I deliberately move it if there is a toddler around as they can't help but want my Curious George doll, he's so adorable!).

And I remained patient and focused on the patient, trying to make small talk with the little boy to keep him occupied as well.

I needed to start on her statin therapy and so I had to utter the words: "But you cannot conceive while on this medication."

Her response: "Oh puleeze. I have three. I am so done it's not even funny!"

Of course you are.

On the way out, her: "Do you have kids?"

"No," I said boldly. "I had five failed in vitro cycles though."

To her credit she said "My God, I'm so sorry" and looked appropriately sad for me.

And then...wait for it...

"Maybe if you adopt you'll get pregnant."

And she's a nurse practitioner for God's sake.

Then her little boy slammed my office door so hard my diploma nearly fell off the wall.

Good. I wanted to slam it myself.

PS To those of you reading this who have children....please do not take them to your doctor appointments. I realize this is a huge inconvenience for you but it is really one of the things we all (all of us doctors and other providers) consistently complain about...people dragging their kids in for important medical visits and then they're half-focused on things and the kids are bored and irritable and so if you do it, just know we're going to talk about you in the lunchroom. Unless your kids are well behaved angels.

PPS You guys are really making too much about our sad little volunteer work. It just helps me keep perspective.

PPSS And speaking of perspective, I went sky diving ten years ago and am DYING to go again. Only Mr. LC doesn't want to go again. I think my friends with kids would say no to that because of the risk, but I don't want to go alone. Anyone coming my way want to go with me?


  1. I never bring my kid with me to MD appointments, or really I try not to bring him to any kind of appointments AND I hate it when people bring their kids to counseling sessions...how exactly can we have a serious session when your toddler is destroying my office?

  2. Ugh I couldn't imagine how nerve wracking that appt was. I can't stand it when people bring their LO's to the RE appts after they had their babies to share their joy. Yeah, I know you are happy but you are making me miserable. Send a pic for crying out loud or come during the "off hours". (((HUGS))) I love that you threw the fact that you have 5 failed IVFs in there. I'm just now getting to where DH & I respond to that questions "We have fertility issues and are not able to have children at this time" I hate peoples stupid comments. One day I'll go off on someone that tells me that again. LOL

  3. UGH! I am so over that freaking adoption comment. Seriously. Annoying. Just the other day my own mother mentioned someone she knew who decided to adopt and blah, blah, blah. I stopped her mid-blah and told her that no amount of adoption would fix my reproductive organs and that she of all people should know better than to make a comment like that. ARGH! Thanks for letting me use your blog to get that off my chest! LOL!

    Can't take you up on your skydiving offer. You'd have to drug me with propofol and well...that wouldn't be any fun!

    Take care!

  4. I'm so sorry for that.
    And by the way, I'm sure you also know that if you stop thinking about it you'll get knocked up. Just like that! (I'm kidding of course)
    Some people.....

  5. Ok Ok, I'll GO skydiving again, but I get to go caving with NO complaints from the corner office!
    :) :)

    Mr. LC

  6. OMG - I am just disgusted by that woman's comment - what the f is wrong with people??????

  7. completely disgusted by her comment. I HATE that. Why are people so deliberately ignorant?

  8. My GOD! Seriously, I think some people are just total self-centered assholes and I think you did the right thing. Make HER feel like a jerk instead of taking all the comments people make and getting yourself upset. If more people snapped back with your quick wit I think some of that infertility ignorance would go away and people would be a little more sensitive and aware of what they say or ask. Good job!

  9. Ok, first of all, BRAVO on telling it like it is to that woman! That took courage. I'm still not at the place where I can tell random strangers about my infertility, so reading about you doing so was inspiring. BRA.VO.

    Second of all, I hate that I actually know a woman who got pregnant while waiting for her adopted daughter to be born. Way to perpetuate the myth!

    Bah. I'm so sorry for this appointment. And drooling on George? How Rude!

    Unfortunately, I think I'd actually die from terror if I ever went skydiving. I won't even go on the big roller-coasters at Magic Mountain. =)

  10. Sorry for the shitty day and the idiotic advice that was thrown your way. I'm half convinced that people often just like to hear themselves talk and don't truly consider WHAT they're saying. (It's my hope, anyway, since that's better than having to believe the world is full of quite that many a$$holes.)

    On the other hand, if I'm honest, I'm sure I've given my own stupid advice to people, not knowing how to cheer them up. So I try and remember that when people like that lady you met push my buttons... but it's hard. I've heard that exact comment, in fact. Freaking annoying.

  11. Points to you for not taking your Curious George doll and beating her with it. I'm sorry your day ended on such an annoying and thoughtless note.

    Skydiving? You're quite brave! Unfortunately I am of the camp that believes "I have yet to meet a perfectly good plane that I feel the need to jump out of..."

  12. Argh!
    Why is a 5 year old drooling?
    She's a nurse practitioner and she made that seriously ridiculous comment?!
    The REASON that there is always a story about someone who gets pregnant while adopting, is because it's so RARE. Gah. GAH!
    I hate it when stupid people ruin my day.

  13. That's awfully professional of you to play along with that amount of ridiculousness. Really, I think I would have made an over the top dramatic rescue of George.

  14. First, re: the skydiving - not a chance! I'm not good with anything that combines heights and precariousness.

    As for dragging annoying slobbery kids to places where they are just distractions, I agree. There seems to be this theory that if you do have kids you've automatically agreed to put up with annoying behavior - which isn't fair! I think I may have just lucked out and ended up with a naturally well behaved kid - and maybe my next one will be an out-of-control terror - but people used to come up to me after plane rides and at nice restaurants and tell me that if all kids were like my girl that it wouldn't be so frightening to see one sitting near you.

    And even with that I never took her to a serious adult appointment - medical, dental, hair, anything where you really want the person to concentrate on YOU.

    PS - I actually know someone (she happened to be a nurse) who got pregnant after adopting. It was about two years afterwards, and she was so freaked out that she hid the pee stick in the back of the closet because she couldn't even figure out if she was happy about it at first.
    BUT, she would never have claimed that it was because of the adoption. Still, I think that anyone who knew her probably perpetuated the myth.

  15. Whatever! We (J & I) will jump out of a plane with you! We went skydiving ages ago and would do it again! The biggest thing for us is cost of course- especially being married to Scrooge. Our entertainment budget is like $5. Bah humbug! I like Heather's comment about jumping on propofol. Picturing that made me laugh!

    Oh, kids at appointments. I think I will keep my mouth shut because there is NO pleasantness that will come out. The best is when they break a piece of equipment or when you're having to discuss intimate issues like gyn sx/drug use/sex partners/sex in front of them (we ain't talking about infants here). Fun times!

    Good for you for standing up! I think that's awesome. This came up the other day among the ER staff. I just casually mentioned that if adopting worked that well, then it would be the cure and no one would have infertility and the RE/clinics would close instead of making a bagillion dollars off of guaranteeing any results. Surprisingly, said that way, it shut them up. Jeez people! THINK.

  16. ARGH! I am so frustrated and upset for you that you had to deal with this at work. Will people ever learn? I am so proud that you stood up and answered in that way. I bet it felt good.

  17. Oh boy... I don't think I'd be one of those moms that brings her kids with her to Drs appts. It amazes me how oblivious people can be - I work in a store and moms let their kids run alllll around the store, in and out of racks, etc. I truly hope then when I am out in public with my kids that I have a better sense of how they need to behave outside of our home.
    I like the idea of sky-diving... in my mind. I am afraid of heights and don't think you will ever, EVER see me in a tiny plane witha parachute on my back... but if you end up doing it again, I will cheer you on... from the ground :)

  18. Dear Last Chance,
    Thank you for writing this blog and sharing. Well, we just finished our first IVF and it was a BFN, even before going for the blood test, AF came so.we've been trying for 7 years now, Gosh I can't even write, only that I saw your video and it gives me strength. I don't know if you will understand but that the fact that you are volunteering and living your life, heck going sky diving- sounds great.
    thank you for writing. you have no idea what impact it has.

  19. Sometimes I just want to kick people in the head. Really, that is all. I've had a handful of doozies happen at work lately and am stumped at how to respond because every answer I have muttered ended up making me cry...

    And nobody should mess with the George. Seriously, how is it that you end up parenting others children just to protect your stuff.

    So my March and April adventures include rope climbing up waterfalls, canyoneering, caving with a 120' repel needed to even get into the cave, a trapeze (yes, circus trapeze) class, and a rock hopping/scrambling hike which includes 10' deep water crossings. To say that I am up for sky diving would be a definite yes. Why don't we live closer? I remember when we were still trying to get knocked up and a couple friends of mine talked about sky diving and I thought, "Wow, that is something I would love to do, but something I would never get to do because I would soon be pregnant and then a mom..." and sky diving would be to risky. Neither of them were even trying then, but now they are both moms. They never did sky dive.

  20. I can't believe that woman... a nurse... actually said that! Wait a minute... I can, because people are just that ignorant about things. I mean, if she really thought about it, does she really think that scientifically and medically speaking there is a cause and effect relationship between adopting and pregnancy!! AHHHH!

  21. just doing a bit of catching up on your blog. congrats on your wagon. i hope you got a great deal! okay, so the last post ends with "how was your weekend?" and this one mentions your patient's comment on adoption. well, i don't know what your current position on adoption is, but i have a good friend who mentioned something to me in a phone conversation this weekend and i'm just going to share the info and leave it at that. so here goes: she told me about a little baby boy from russia who is awaiting adoption, but they (this info came from her friend who used to help children get placed in homes and she wanted my friend to help get the word out on the little one) are having trouble placing him because he is considered special needs. he is deaf. so i don't know much more than he is around 6 months, blond haired/blue eyes, precious, and in russia. it was strange that she brought this up with me. i was like...um, are you telling me this in hopes that i will adopt him? she said no, but she wanted me to pass the info along if anyone i knew of was considering adoption. again, i do not know if you are considering adoption, but just in case...

  22. Thanks for coming by and talking to me about the far away clinic. It's really helped me put things in perspective.

    BTW, you're hilarious! We hate it when people bring their kids, too. We can't let them in the lab 'cause of chemicals, sharps, etc., so they end up standing in the doorway screaming while we try to draw blood and run tests on their parent. Argh.

  23. 08 · 10 · 30 · 37 · 40 powerball41
    ok, here's the lotto numbers for the powerball. When you win you can TP her freaking NP
    what a marooon

  24. People just don't get it do they? My parents were one of those couples who adopted after 7 years of ttc and then had 3 more children naturally. It worked for them so they don't get it either. So frustrating...
    Hoping you have better patients next week!

  25. I'm so sorry about her comment. When we told my ILs that we were doing IVF the first thing my MIL mentioned was adoption.

  26. im sure every teacher was nodding her head with you like hello? don''t bring your kid to the parent teacher conference. god, there are days i don't even want to see kids in restaurants. of course it was way worse when i was teaching but hmmm, maybe i should reconsider this TTC thing?

    you can feel free to censor me :o)