Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Lowe's and annoyances and questions answered

I don't know why I'm having some trouble blogging lately.
As in, I sit down to type/post and I just sit here.

I mean, I have tons to say, and clearly I've never been too shy to share before. I have no idea what's going on.

I had written a rant post about some stupid new Lowe's commercial and a fertile couple's blathering about wanting to have a bigger family purely because of the super-fancy fridge the salesman was showing them (huh?). I was ranting not because they were fertile (ok maybe just a little bit) but because the mister and I are big believers in zero population growth and naturally we think everyone should feel the same way :) My mom taught me that concept as a young kid--I can remember her patiently explaining to me that I would not be getting a baby brother or sister because they had already 'replaced' themselves with my sister and I and that was the environmentally sound thing to do.

Paul Simon sang it best: "The planet groans every time it registers another birth."

Fertile or infertile, I do not believe in large biological families. I'm sure that offends some people but it's just my opinion. And true, the Lowe's couple could've been talking about adoption....

At any rate, now it seems I've just regurgitated that draft post and there it is.

On another note, there was a question in my comments section about pursuing adoption versus donor eggs.

It's complicated and then it's not.

Certainly we thought about donor eggs. I had several incredibly generous offers to have a known donor (though my request to my sister was met with a less than enthusiastic response, something that hurt nearly as much as the damned infertility in the first place, but it's water under the bridge now...), and then we considered anonymous donor as well. But not for very long. It just wasn't a good fit for me--I didn't like the idea of my husband's genetics combined with some other woman's genetics. It's an amazing gift, to donate an egg. I was too worried about how some woman might feel years later, maybe after she'd had a child of her own, about the egg she gave away when she was younger. And yes, I get that birth mothers likely experience similar emotions. Plus I wanted it to be out in the open right from the in physically obvious...that I wasn't genetically related to my child. Which is one of the reasons why we went international. But that's just me.

Then there's the whole non-guarantee of donor eggs. I've seen too many times where donor eggs didn't work. And that, folks, was something my heart just could not take. It's been trampled on too many times and it is screaming to be happy. Not that international adoption is without heartache in and of itself (see last post), but there is a fairly good chance we'll wind up with a child when all is said and done.

I completely understand that my logic is flawed and maybe even slightly crazy, so please no need to correct or persuade or try to make me see things differently.

Our decision has been made.

P.S. Do we get credit for negative population growth?

P.P.S. I'll end this right now because I just baked cinnamon rolls from scratch and while they don't look too purty, they sure smell divine and they're calling my name....


  1. I know exactly what you mean on adoption vs donor eggs. For us, it was a really easy decision... for exactly the same kind of reasons you mention.

  2. Yeah, we can't get on the egg donor train either. When I've seen pictures of babies born from donor egg or sperm, they make my heart melt like any other baby, but it still doesn't sway me. I think you "just know" if it's right for you or not.

    Don't get me started on negative population growth. Most of our property tax goes to schools. Wonder if we could send our dog ; )

    I tried to make cinnamon rolls from scratch one time. One Time. Sumptin' just wasn't right with 'em :0

  3. I agree. You have to do what is best for you and the Mr. I know that international adoption comes with its own set of hassles and red tape, but I am hoping your process is a smooth and relatively pain free one. Do you have any idea for how long the process is?

  4. Hey, you are in my head! LOL! I could have written the donor egg part...err...actually I think I did about a week ago.

    And mmmm....cinnamon rolls...

  5. I wonder what my very fertile mother-in-law (in her hayday, of course) would say about zero population growth! LOL!!! My hubby being the baby of 8! You know, she is the woman who told me while we were going through infertility that "not everyone is meant to be a mother." Ha!! Can you imagine. Well, at least I got the best of her... my hubby! Have a cinnamon roll for me please. My diet is killing me... but I am losing. What's better, lost pounds or gained cinnamon rolls. Hmmmm.

  6. Thanks for the perspective. I'm so glad you have found a path!

  7. I'm so glad you and the Mr. have found the right path for you! I'm wishing you tons of (speedy) good luck through your adoption process!!

  8. Your beliefs about zero population growth are really interesting; I had never heard it described that way before. Personally, even before infertility, I never wanted to have more than two children (and one would be fine), so I sort of feel the same way.

    I totally get your reasons for pursuing adoption instead of DE. When you've been let down so many times, I can only imagine the toll that it takes. Are you planning to share which country(ies) you're hoping to adopt from?

    Wishing you a short wait for your baby. Can't wait for the day when you'll announce the new addition to your family! : )

  9. I'm always curious about people with LOTS (to me lots is more than 3)of kids. I tend to be judgmental about it, my feelings are unless you are a gadjillionair you may not have the time/resources to really dedicate to the kids. I also like your point about the zero population growth, I had never thought of it that way. Sometimes I wonder if people just like babies too much and that is why they keep having kids. I could go on about this, but I totally get it is MY JUDGEY JUDGEMENT and probably not others opinion.

  10. I am not sure what Countries you are considering or if Mexico is within those countries...but I live in a border town with Mexico so if you need any help just let us know.

  11. Thank you for your posts. You inspire me, and make me think about the choices I've made. Thinking of you as you embark on this new path.

  12. Yes, you get karma credit for zero population growth!! That's one reason why I like the idea of adoption better than donor eggs. I'm from a large biological family, and I think my parents were irresponsible having 6 kids! Plus the fact that it drove my mother to insanity, though she will never admit it.

  13. I totally agree with you on the non-biological idea of large families (not to mention is extremely narcisstic.) I think what you are doing is great for everyone involved!!

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