Dear Mr. LC,
I'm sorry today isn't a special day for you.
I'm sorry that for five years you have had to watch this day pass you by despite doing everything known to man to make it your day too.
I'm sorry you've fought this battle largely without much support from your male compadres--I wish men could be more vocal and reach out to one another.
I'm sorry we cannot celebrate your impending fatherhood-via-adoption today but I know we're both 'hanging back' hoping for the best but not counting our chickens. Like you said, there are no children in this house yet....
I'm sorry I will never give you that moment of cutting the cord, of seeing your child take his first breath and release his first cry, of holding a newborn, of having a tiny baby curl up on your chest and take a nap with you. I tried really, really hard. I know you did, too.
I'm sorry you will not get to pass along--in a genetic sense--your wonderful creative talents.
We've heard people say they 'fell in love all over again' when they saw their child come into the world.
Well I'm proud we've stayed in love through the past five years. As Megan alluded to in her post, isn't it easy to fall in love all over again in the good times, at those magical moments? What's tough is falling in love all over again through the shitty times.
I've fallen in love with you all over again every time we took a BFN call together. Every time we clung together in the pitch of night in our bed, tears falling, in the aftermath of every IVF cycle. Every time you donned scrubs and surgical booties and danced around the pre-op room to make me laugh to calm my nerves. Every time you held my hand while we took those dreadful phone calls with fertilization reports and embryo updates. Every time you drove with me to the lab at ungodly hours, or came with me to the ultrasounds, or sat with me during the WTF meetings. When you literally held me up in the stairwell coming out of WTF #3 when I got the donor egg speech. When you let me play ELO's 'Hold On Tight to Your Dreams' exactly 156 times during IVFs #4 and #5 because it was sometimes the only thing that could keep me going.
I hope this is the last Father's Day that no one calls you Dad.
Love,
Mrs. LC
10 years ago
AMEN. And congratulations to both of you for staying in love. This is the love which will encompass the baby you bring home which makes it even more precious. Holding onto it took grit and determination and a decision to be your best selves when it would have been easier (and utterly understandable) to be your worst. Celebrate that today xxx
ReplyDeleteMe too. You said it all. I hope this is it.
ReplyDeleteThis post made me cry. You sound like you have a wonderful husband and a great relationship. There are no words for how much I hope that next year Mr LC is a dad.
ReplyDeleteWhat a wonderful post. Thank you for sharing this post, and the rest of your journey with the rest of us out there.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry you even have a reason to write this to Mr. LC. I feel the same way about missing out on the husband and wife bonding experience of giving birth to a biological child. I hear people tell their birth stories, and I so much want that too. Yours is truly an incredible love story. I sincerely hope that in a few years you can look back at this post and be in awe of how far you've come. Our world needs more couples and parents like both of you. Peace to both of you today...
ReplyDeleteAmen sister! I think the ONLY good thing to come out of this whole infertility mess is my relationship with DH. It is more solid than ever. And I guess if we can get through that together there isn't much that can stop us. I keep reminding my DH that every week that passes during the waiting phase brings us one week closer to seeing our child.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing such a thoughtful post.
I hope so too. What a beautiful post.
ReplyDeleteLC, you Nailed It. AGAIN.
ReplyDeleteI hope it's the last one too.
Amazing post. Thank you for sharing.
I loved this post.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing.
what an amazing post. thank you for sharing this. I agree on how hard it is stay in love during th hard stuff, people do not really appreciate that so much. hoping for a better father's day for your family in 2011.
ReplyDeletesomeone else already said it, but it's all i've got:
ReplyDeleteAMEN
xoxo
Beautifully written. So poignant reading it today. Mr. LC is already such a wonderful dad...I hope and pray that this is the last father's day he has without a little someone calling him dad too.
ReplyDeleteI cried...again. Your brutal honesty and words spoken from the heart always move me to tears.
ReplyDeleteMay this be the last year.
May this be the last year.
May this be the last year.
It is just a damn shame that you can't get pregnant based on how much you deserve it....I hope next year you are making homemade father's day cards and enjoying a day you both deserve so much!
ReplyDeleteI love it! It's so hard to maintain that passion, love, sensitivity, compassion and delicate honesty in a marriage while dealing with TTC/Loss/disappointment, etc. You and Mr. LC are great examples of "enduring with grace." I wish you only the best in the coming year!
ReplyDeleteI'll echo what kayjay said. May this be the last year. Sending love to Mr. & Mrs. LC, the most amazing couple we know.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful post!
ReplyDeleteGosh, what a heart wrenching post. I wanted to cry. May this be the very last year of no celebrations.
ReplyDeletexxx
"...isn't it easy to fall in love all over again in the good times, at those magical moments? What's tough is falling in love all over again through the shitty times."
ReplyDeleteNo truer words have ever been written. It's SOOOO easy to be "in love" and happy when everything is going well. It's maintaining that bond when the going is rough that makes or breaks a couple. You and Mr. LC are obviously one anothers' soul mates and are sooo lucky to have one another. Many a silly fertile wishes her marriage has the kind of no-holds-barred love and commitment that you two have!
Your post was so beautiful, I couldn't help but cry. I'm so very thankful you both have each other to help you through these tough times.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your powerful post. I'm in bits. It made me cry. This time next year please God, it will all be made better.
ReplyDeleteYou had me at:
ReplyDelete"I'm sorry today isn't a special day for you."
Right there with you, right there.
Loved your post even though it made me cry. I pray this is the last year. Hugs from PA.
ReplyDeleteSad tears for what will not be. Hopeful tears for what is to come. Thinking of both of you.
ReplyDeleteTerrific post. There are so many days when I read what you write and feel like posting on my blog "What she wrote" with a link to you, since you say it so much better than I could... :-)
ReplyDelete