Dear Mr. LC,
I'm sorry today isn't a special day for you.
I'm sorry that for five years you have had to watch this day pass you by despite doing everything known to man to make it your day too.
I'm sorry you've fought this battle largely without much support from your male compadres--I wish men could be more vocal and reach out to one another.
I'm sorry we cannot celebrate your impending fatherhood-via-adoption today but I know we're both 'hanging back' hoping for the best but not counting our chickens. Like you said, there are no children in this house yet....
I'm sorry I will never give you that moment of cutting the cord, of seeing your child take his first breath and release his first cry, of holding a newborn, of having a tiny baby curl up on your chest and take a nap with you. I tried really, really hard. I know you did, too.
I'm sorry you will not get to pass along--in a genetic sense--your wonderful creative talents.
We've heard people say they 'fell in love all over again' when they saw their child come into the world.
Well I'm proud we've stayed in love through the past five years. As Megan alluded to in her post, isn't it easy to fall in love all over again in the good times, at those magical moments? What's tough is falling in love all over again through the shitty times.
I've fallen in love with you all over again every time we took a BFN call together. Every time we clung together in the pitch of night in our bed, tears falling, in the aftermath of every IVF cycle. Every time you donned scrubs and surgical booties and danced around the pre-op room to make me laugh to calm my nerves. Every time you held my hand while we took those dreadful phone calls with fertilization reports and embryo updates. Every time you drove with me to the lab at ungodly hours, or came with me to the ultrasounds, or sat with me during the WTF meetings. When you literally held me up in the stairwell coming out of WTF #3 when I got the donor egg speech. When you let me play ELO's 'Hold On Tight to Your Dreams' exactly 156 times during IVFs #4 and #5 because it was sometimes the only thing that could keep me going.
I hope this is the last Father's Day that no one calls you Dad.
2 years ago