Uh-oh, and an award.

I think my last post came off in a weird way.

I guess I was just playing around with dictionary definitions, and plus what the mister had said...and while technically we might not meet any formal definition of family, I will never ever forget coming home from IVF #4 (our supposed to be CC.R.M. miracle where we had a catastrophic fertilization report that led to a transfer of the only two embryos we had and we just felt like the whole world had been ripped out from under our feet and we could barely breathe) and climbing into bed that night after being away from home for so very long and the sweet Mr. LC grabbing my hand and saying "Today we are a family of seven. Two adults, two embryos, and three furbabies."

So thank you to Meg (and others) for reminding me that our embryos--microscopic as they may have been--have been our children and thus for a few moments in time we have met, in a crazy way, the formal definition of 'family.' But who needs formal definitions anymore, right?

Anyway, onward to the award.

Sometimes I think about stopping writing the blog. I mean, I started it to document IVF #5--the secret IVF--in a safe, anonymous place where I could get support. It started slow and has grown. As you all well know, IVF #5 has come and gone and so now where are we? What is there to write about? Obviously I'm a talker--er, writer--and always have something to say. But I often wonder if this place has outlived its utility. And then I get two of the sweetest emails this week telling me to keep writing. Thank you.

Today Mommy's Midlife Crisis awarded me a blog award, the "Beautiful Blogger" award that many of you have seen. Here is what she said: Last Chance IVF (where I've learned a lot about how honesty, a sense of humor and pain can co-mingle into some beautiful writing. Her blog also reminds me to be grateful for where I am today, as I was in a very similar state of mind 5 years ago... when I think I was roughly the same age that she is now, in fact. Which is also why I have great hopes for her!)

So yes, I think I will keep on writing. I clearly have a lot to process, and who would I better process it with than you lovelies.

Oh yes, the award says to write/tell seven random things about you:

1) I do not get curling as an Olympic sport. I am waiting (hopeful?) that there will be an SNL spoof of it. That's all I'm saying.
2) I am a fairly snooty vegetarian sometimes (need to work on that). It particularly comes out when I see someone else's cart at the grocery store and it's loaded with bloody meat. It grosses me out. Of course, only a couple of years ago I was eating said bloody meat so there you go.
3) I still have my Ginkie. Yup. It's the blanket I was wrapped in coming home from the hospital some 35.5 years ago. Yup. It's sitting right next to me right this very second (dying a million deaths of embarrassment now).
4) I am not much of a traveler as in I have not been very many places. We tend to just go to NYC over and over again because we love it so much and it's so comfortable/familiar. I need to broaden my horizons in a major way, and come into some extra money for traveling! Currently planning NYC trip number (I've lost count) because the mister has a show in Brooklyn coming up. Can I just say: springtime in the city? Tulips in Central Park? I cannot.wait.
5) Sometimes, when I'm having a particular awesome 'couple day' I freak out and think "Why are we pushing so hard to have kids? This life is great! Why would we want to mess it up?" It's usually short lived when I see an 'aaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwww' family moment right after that...
6) Anyone who knows me in real life know this: I don't eat fruit. It's a texture thing. I will eat bananas occasionally. Other than that and my penchant for sweets, I'm pretty healthy :)
7) I have long hair now, but it was once 1/2 inch all over, as in an uber pixie. Man was it easy to take care of!

I think this award has been passed around quite a bit, so if anyone feels moved to write seven things about themselves, consider yourself nominated!

Edited to add: I am at work, and it's 'snowing' which where I live is a big deal, which means all the patients are late, or no-showing, or calling and canceling so while I should be studying, instead I'm checking comments on my blog. And now addressing one. So anon. asked if it helps or hurts to know if a lot of parents would be jealous of the lifestyle we have. I have a pretty good idea that a lot of parents would be jealous of the lifestyle we have--because they tell us. As in, we hear all the time how nice it must be to be able to just do whatever we want whenever we want, etc. We realize we're lucky in this regard, but as far as helping...I don't know. It's a nice life, which is why I mentioned my regular freakouts over it changing drastically if we ever get lucky enough to have a child, but I will say that it's a nice life tempered with some sadness. Yes, we can go trail running at the drop of a hat. But on that trail we will always pass Dad's with kiddos in back packs, or Mom's pushing jog strollers, or families picnicking by the creek. And their life looks pretty good too. I think what everyone, everywhere, fertile, infertile, married, single, etc. etc. is always struggling just to be in the moment with what they have, to recognize that it is enough, and to find the joy in the life that they have. I know I am.