Monday, July 19, 2010

Salty and Sweet

I didn't mean to leave you in a lurch and not post in a while. We spent this past weekend back at my parents house. I wish I could say that my Dad is doing so well but I can't. Slowly...ever so slowly...he is slipping. It's heartbreaking to say the least. I hate seeing my Mom this way--alone basically. But not alone. My Dad is still there but he's not--not really. They're not partners anymore. I ache for them both.

Life is salty and sweet.

There were times during my IF battle that I cried enough tears to salt the entire planet and drown it too. Salty, salty tears. I was drowning in them myself.

There have also been times--many times--in this battle that life has felt abundantly sweet.
Because sometimes it takes the salty to recognize the sweet.

I don't expect the next part of the journey to be nothing but sweetness. I'm too wise (ha!) to expect that anymore.

But I want to keep writing about it. About all the tastes that life has to offer because my senses are not frying anymore--they're alive again.

I'll be setting up a new blog soon and I'll let you know. I guess my moniker will change, too. Like I said in the last post, I'm not LastChanceIVF anymore. That chance has come and gone.

Salty and sweet--and you guys have been there for it all. Offering sweetness when all there was was salt. Thank you for that. It's so inadequate but I mean it. And thank you for encouraging me to keep telling the story. I want to keep telling it. I think I need to.

In keeping with the theme, I leave you with a picture of my kitchen-happenings yesterday. Caramel devil's food cakeballs, topped with sugar crystals and just a tiny pinch of sea salt....


  1. WOOOHOOO! We get to keep reading!!:) And those cake balls look fabulous!

  2. I'm sorry your dad is slowly slipping away, that is so tough to deal with. My thoughts are with you as always.

    I'm so glad I can keep reading and supporting you as you enter this next exciting stage of the journey.

    Any holy smokes, those balls look AMAZING!!! Yum-O!

  3. You made me cry a bit - I cannot imagine the depth and complexity of the emotions you must be feeling. I am grateful that you will continue to blog - you are an amazing woman and I feel fortunate to be able to follow your journey.

  4. Yay for continuing to blog about you experiences. I'd really miss you if you stopped.

    I'm so sorry to hear the latest with your dad. I can't imagine how hard it would be to see your parents suffering so much.

    And, your balls always look so good! ;-)

  5. I'm so sorry about your dad. Watching a loved one slip away is almost unbearable.

    I'm so glad that you're going to continue blogging. I look forward to following your journey.

    Your cakeballs are mouth-watering.


  6. Oh my those cake balls looks SO yummy!
    I am glad that you will keep blogging! There will be times for many of us when all we have is salt, and I find that it helps to read about someone else's sweet:) Not to mention- I can't wait to hear about it when you become a parent to a lucky boy/girl somewhere out there!

  7. I'm so sorry about your dad, it must be so hard to watch....

    On a more positive note, I'm so excited you plan to continue blogging!! Also, can you send some of those balls my way??? :)

  8. Big hugs to you, your Mon and Dad and the rest of your family.

    And PHEW on the writing .......will be here for the rest of the ride xxx

  9. Have you thought about selling some of your impressive baked goods? If you're anything like me, I'm still paying back oodles of IVF debt and your baked goods could help! I know that sounds lame, but you are a serious baker by the looks of things! I'm impressed.

  10. I am really sorry to hear your dad is slipping away.

    Those cake balls look amazingly yummy too - you should post the recipe!!

    And I really love that you are continuing with your blog - albeit - different name. I am pursuing DE ART but I am always thinking one step ahead in the event this doesn't work out. So many couples that blog about ART quit blogging when ART resulted in nothing but heartache for them (I don't blame them!!). But I think it's interesting to read about someone else's experiences after ART - what's life like on the other side ya know?! So thanks.

  11. Totally agree with "sometimes it takes the salty to recognize the sweet".

    I'm sorry about your Dad. Thinking of you and sending warm thoughts.

    Looking forward to reading how your story continues to unfold...

    (And MMM MMM on those cake balls! I love the edible salty/sweet combo! Have you had salty carmels? YUM :)

  12. I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. I've been wondering how he was doing. You all are in my thoughts.

    I'm glad, however, that you're going to continue blogging. Here's to more sweet stories!

  13. Another one who is really sorry to hear about your Dad. I just don' have any words.

    I've gotta say... I knew you'd keep blogging! Adoption is just the most mind-bending experience... it's pretty much impossible not to write about it. So glad that we're going to keep your voice in it all!

    My advice (not that you need it) is to pick something as anonymous as this blog name has been. That way you get to stay honest. There are enough anodyne adoption blogs out there, and I know that yours could never be one of them!

  14. One look at those cake balls and my mouth started watering. If you run out of willing recipients for your cake balls, I would gladly take some as my one and only attempt to make some failed miserably!

    I'm sorry to hear that your Dad isn't doing well. They're there but not really there and it's so hard.

    I'm glad you're going to keep blogging as you are such a gifted and eloquent writer. You have definitely been the sweet in my personal salty and sweet IF journey :)

  15. 1) Thank. God. you're going to keep blogging. I meant what I said on the last post about being supportive either way, but I was quietly rooting hard for this outcome. I really, really would have missed you if you stopped.

    2) If I send you my address and generous wads of cash, will you send me some of those cake balls? :-) Forget spending all your time trying to keep people's arteries clear - you should focus more on clogging them up through an amazing bakery...

    Seriously, though, I am sorry to hear about your dad. I also got some not-so-great news on the dad front this weekend (a post to come). It's tough, no doubt. But I hope your amazing little miracle arrives soon so that you can introduce her to him.

  16. I'm really sorry to hear about your dad's condition. I'll never understand the suffering that so often happens to the nicest people. We just sprung my dad from the hospital for the fifth time this year - just not something I thought I would have to deal with at my age. I guess because I don't have my own children, these times make me feel very much like a child - a child not wanting anything bad happening to my mom and dad. All I can say is that I hope you have peace on this part of your journey.

    I'm also glad that you will be sharing your adoption story. Yay for new beginnings!

    And cake balls. Just wrong that we can see but not taste ;o

  17. Sorry to hear about your dad. I am SO excited you've decided to keep writing. I can't wait to follow this journey with you!

  18. Oh I am so happy you are going to allow us to come along on your journey! I just love hearing from you.

    I'm so sorry about your dad, I can't imagine how hard it must be.

    (just Sunday I had my first salted caramel and it was divine!)

  19. I'm really sad to hear about your dad - I guess that's a bit salty/sweet too - I remember when my grandmother was failing and I felt every time I saw her was a blessing, but I worried about her quality of life. I'm so glad you're going to keep on blogging!

  20. I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. I can't imagine what you must be going through with that. And your poor mother. What a tough, tough situation.

    I'm really glad to hear you're going to continue blogging!

  21. I'm new here, and I've been reading some back posts. I love how honestly you write, and I'm sorry to hear you're considering leaving this space. I do hope you continue to blog about your journey, even if it's somewhere write so well, and selfishly I'd hate to lose the ability to read and follow along and nod my head and mutter, "yes, that's right!" like a crazy person.

    I'm sorry to hear about your father. It must be terribly difficult for you and your entire family. My husband lost his dad two years ago to cancer and it was a long, rough road. I don't know that you can ever recover from that kind of blow.

    Sending lots of hugs, and joyous wishes for all that the future has in store, while still mourning what you are losing.


  22. I'm so sorry about your Dad. I am glad you're going to keep on writing though...

    And, um. YUM! My mouth is watering at those salty and sweet cakeballs.

  23. I just want to give you a big hug. I have been lurking on your blog to see how you're doing. I feel that we are connected in a way, even though our stories are different. In the end, I think our ending (if you can call it that, but more like beginning of a new chapter) will be the same - motherhood. I wish you nothing but the best and I am certain that you and your baby will find the way to each other.
    Sending you lots of love and hugs, Linda.

  24. You and your words are so cherished. I am happy to know you will still allow us to follow your journey.

    I'm incredibly sorry about your dad and essentially your mom too. We are all wishing and praying for motherhood and an expansion of our family. Butit's gut wrenching to watch the family we do have slip away from us.

  25. I am also so sorry to hear about your Dad & of course the effect that his health has on the rest of your family.

    I am so glad you will continue to post & share the rest of your journey with us all! :)

  26. I am so sorry to hear about the changes in your dad. My heart aches for you and your family!! I am so, so happy that you will continue to write, though! I know that the next chapters will continue to get sweeter :)

    Hugs to you and please bring some of those cake balls the next time you are in this neck of the woods ;) They look so good!!

  27. I always want to reach through the computer screen and give you a big ol' hug... and also grab one of your tasty looking baked goods!! I think you should include recipes in your blog!!

    You are so precious!!