Pushed back.

First of all, thanks for listening/commenting/supporting with my last entry. The love I feel here is real, as real as anything you can feel in real life as strange as that sounds. So thank you.

Since I ovulated kind of late in the cycle we pushed back a month. As in, I'm not getting any lovely endometrial biopsies this cycle, but will do it NEXT month. And then that means it will be the next month that we go for transfer.

That will put us out there in November.

Yeah.

Exactly one year from our spectacular crash and burn at CCR.M. the last time.

That fateful day I sobbed through my transfer and missed all the celebration with Obama's victory because I was sleeping off Valium and trying to sleep away my misery. I remember waking up a few times during that day to see Mr. LastChance watching the TV intently, and of course he shared the news with me, but I just rolled over and went back to sleep, eyes puffy and hurting from the crying.

I am so sad...so sad that I missed that incredible moment when it felt like the world was changing for the better, when we felt poised on the edge of something big....when we had hope.

Exactly the feelings one should have after a transfer. I could feel it for my country, but I couldn't feel it for myself.

So this coming November--assuming everything goes smoothly and we make it out then--I will reclaim those feelings. We will tranfser four decent embryos, the best chance we've ever had. My uterus will have been primed and prepped with biopsies and hopefully not 'fluffed' to the point of hyperplasia with soaring estrogen, but just perfectly ripe for an embryo to nestle in and call us Mom and Dad for the long haul.

We're ready.