Thursday, September 17, 2009

Pushed back.

First of all, thanks for listening/commenting/supporting with my last entry. The love I feel here is real, as real as anything you can feel in real life as strange as that sounds. So thank you.

Since I ovulated kind of late in the cycle we pushed back a month. As in, I'm not getting any lovely endometrial biopsies this cycle, but will do it NEXT month. And then that means it will be the next month that we go for transfer.

That will put us out there in November.


Exactly one year from our spectacular crash and burn at CCR.M. the last time.

That fateful day I sobbed through my transfer and missed all the celebration with Obama's victory because I was sleeping off Valium and trying to sleep away my misery. I remember waking up a few times during that day to see Mr. LastChance watching the TV intently, and of course he shared the news with me, but I just rolled over and went back to sleep, eyes puffy and hurting from the crying.

I am so sad that I missed that incredible moment when it felt like the world was changing for the better, when we felt poised on the edge of something big....when we had hope.

Exactly the feelings one should have after a transfer. I could feel it for my country, but I couldn't feel it for myself.

So this coming November--assuming everything goes smoothly and we make it out then--I will reclaim those feelings. We will tranfser four decent embryos, the best chance we've ever had. My uterus will have been primed and prepped with biopsies and hopefully not 'fluffed' to the point of hyperplasia with soaring estrogen, but just perfectly ripe for an embryo to nestle in and call us Mom and Dad for the long haul.

We're ready.


  1. You are ready! I'm sorry you were pushed back but it sounds like it was for a good reason. Maybe November then is the ideal that you can reclaim that hope and happiness! I will be sending good biopsy and not-too-fluffy but nicely snug lining vibes your way soon!

  2. This will be a very symbolic moment for you! A renewal of hope, for sure.

    I will be yelling "YES! YOU! CAN!" all the way. =)

  3. If it were possible for me to WILL a good outcome for you, it would be. I have never met you, yet I feel so intensely for you and Mr.LC it is kind of nuts.

  4. I'm still full of hope for our country and I am overflowing with hope for you.


  5. I think it is so fitting that you are transferring at a time when you lost hope in yourself and you felt hope for our country one year ago. Hope is that tricky little thing that keeps bouncing back making this journey worthwhile.

  6. ((HUGS))

    lisa from meinsideout

  7. Isn't spooky the timing of these things sometimes?

    Maybe we'll cross paths in CO in Nov. :)

  8. Oh, I love a plan. You need to explain this biopsy thing to me- I know it improves implantation, but what exactly is the procedure and when does it happen in the cycle? Sending good vibes out there now for November. Now that Obama has his victory, may you get yours.

  9. So, I've finally caught up with this blog. I am so happy things went better for you this cycle. I have high hopes for you for November. I have everything is crossed for you.

    I'm also sorry to hear about your dad - I mean, happy that he has recovered this well, but I completely understand why you are angry - that has got to be so hard.

    So I've finally put this blog on my blog roll, so I should be getting updates. Glad to be back ;-).

  10. Would/could you consider a surrogate for 2 of the embryos? chances are high you will conceive.. but even higher with 2 possibilities. at the same time, you wouldn't have to worry about sel reduction, etc. sorry if somehow this sounds ignorant- or if some reason sounds offensive to you.. i mean it with good intention.

  11. I remember last Nov all too well. We were cycle buddies, both cycling for the first time at CCRM. It was supposed to be our golden ticket. Instead we both sobbed into our pillows. We left feeling hopeless that if CCRM couldn't get us our baby, would it ever happen? May the 2nd time around with freeze all cycles be the answer for us!!! Rooting you on!

  12. Oh, I can remember that time too, feeling so much hope for the future and for my child...I want you to have that too. You deserve to have that too.


  13. I have my conspiracy theories: Obama did not want you stealing his thunder, so that is why your cycle did not work. Therefore, you will succeed this time! Wishing for you the most thankful November ever!

  14. I'm here to cheer you on no matter the month you transfer those embabies. I'm sorry it is delayed, but love the hope I hear in your last paragraph. Hoping and wishing this November is so much better for you.

  15. I had to post here because I didn't want to out you on the other blog.

    First, I am loving all the Paul Frank baby/toddler stuff at Target. It is so cute! Yet, I have not been able to bring myself to buy any of it because I so closely associated with you and your baby (because yes, I secretly shop for your baby too). So it made me smile that you bought the booties. Very cute! And a bold step which I applaud.

    Second, in faith there is no rationing of miracles. Sometimes they happen, sometimes they don't. And we have no control over it. Which is what faith is, in essence, still believing and trusting, knowing we are not in control in the end. Love your dad. Love your embryos. Love yourself. And keep the faith. Trust that you will have a family. Trust that your dad is healing (as scary as it may be). Sending hugs and prayers your way.