Self Preservation?

It's the name of the game during infertility.

Which means that's been the name of our game for 4.5 years. Well, maybe 3.5 years because let's be honest, that first year--while we were most definitely frustrated we didn't pregnant right out of the starting gate--we didn't think we were infertile.

Mr. LastChance and I have really been enjoying our lives of late. Take today, for instance. It's cold and rainy today, and after we got home from church we immediately jumped back into our pajamas and here I sit on the computer and he's monkeying around with music stuff. The whole day stretches before us. Yesterday I baked and went trail running and we spent several hours working on a volunteer project that is near and dear to our hearts.

Friday afternoon I laid on the couch (also with the cold rain falling outside) and finished a book. The third book I've finished in as many weeks. I love to read. I love having time to read. Friday night we went to the local homeless shelter to work in the kitchen--which is a pure pleasure.

See a theme here?

It's nice to have time to do the things you enjoy doing. And we talk about this all the time. How nice our lives are...because we have time.

We've even said that we have reached a point where we know that we will be ok either way.

There.

I said it.

We wouldn't lead entirely selfish lives if we never had kids--volunteering has and always will be important to us. Of course, it's nice because we have time to do it.

I am not saying we don't want kids. Duh. That desire still exists. But I'd be lying if I said that the desire is quite as intense as it was, say, last year.

I know that to a certain extent this is self-preservation talking. We have to be prepared for what comes next, good or bad.

But maybe the alternative is really good or.... good. Just two different kinds of good.

Good Type 1: A pregnancy! A baby! The fruition of all our hard work and determination and tenacity. A child between me and Mr. LastChance. Sleep deprivation. Stretch marks. No time for anything--except sweet baby kisses, sweet baby smells, and a love that right now, we cannot even comprehend. This good is the good I've longed for, and I intensely long for when I see a mother and her newborn, or a pregnant belly, or a family just out enjoying time together.

Good Type 2: Life as it currently is. Full in a different way. Maybe the chance to pursue other dreams. Expanding our family in a different way (which yes, would suck up all the time, too--totally aware of that). But not bad. Not UNgood. This is the good I can appreciate on a day like today.

I don't know. As per usual, I find myself rambling here.

So I know when I started this here anonymous blog I said I wouldn't post pics...but I guess I lied.

I do this:




So I can do this:


(stolen from Bakerella...giant Oreo truffle kisses). I had so much fun making these...I guess I lied when I said I 'baked' because these don't actually involve baking.

I know the first half of the post was all seriousness, that's why I left you with the second half :)

And now for the big PS:

If you really do want to 'be with me' and send a lovely picture of yourself or a good luck trinket so I can hold you close during my upcoming transfer--I'm all for it! What I am NOT asking for is GIFTS, seriously girls.
Brenda of LostInSpace has so super-sweeetly agreed to handle all the details so here's her email address in case you're interested: Lost.in.Space.2008@gmail.com