Infertility brain

I swear I make up these awesome interesting posts in my head while showering, exercising, driving, etc. Then I come here, look at the blank box, and go...blank. What ends up coming out is just some boring old update.

You've been warned.

I had the second biopsy today. It was much better. OK, much better might be a bit of a stretch, but it wasn't as bad. Mr. LastChance held my hand and that alone made it better. The sample looked to be quite a bit smaller maybe that helped? Whatever. Uterus--your job is to now repair and express beautiful proteins and cytokines and adhesion molecules.

I am spotting with the endo.metrin. I knew I would spot post-biopsy last week and I did, but only for a day. Then a couple of days later more spotting, now it seems to be a regular thing. I'm on CD26 right now and sometimes that's it for me, but with all the endo.metrin things were supposed to lengthen out. I called my nurse and here were here words of profound wisdom: "let's keep an eye on it." Like should I take pictures of my panty-liners and send them in via email? OK, sorry, that was totally gross. I'm just saying: keep an eye on it? I wanted her to say no big deal, it happens on endo.metrin but she didn't. Humph. That just makes me worry.

My doctor looked at my lining--it was only 11. Huh? The girl with the super thick lining (usually nearing 20 at this point) only has an 11? Please someone tell me this is because of the endo.metrin and the biopsies? That is all.I.need. -- to now be worried about a thinner lining this next month.

So here I am, just using endo.metrin, hoping the spotting doesn't turn into AF. Mr. LastChance and I have had some prettay-prettay (channeling Larry David here...) deep conversations of late about this whole FET. About whether or not it will work. About what that means. I've also been baking and baking and baking...a sure sign of stress/things on my mind.

And then last night: the dream.

I dreamed that I was carrying around an infant carrier with my Dad in it.

And it was all ok. I felt like I had my place in life, I was taking care of my Dad.

(shudders).

One of my friends who's an awesome author sent me an email the other day saying that she now has a new response to the question: why don't you have kids? and it's "because I have parents." She's dealing with some big issues with taking care of her mother....

I guess that seeped into my subconciousness (It was the Ziggy sheets! (sorry, Seinfeld reference and I couldn't resist)).

Wow. Not much more to say, eh?