Saturday, October 2, 2010

Well I hate to do it, but...

I hate to waste my 200th post responding to someone's cowardly anonymous comment. But if I must, I must.

First of all, anonymous, you must live a really charmed life to have never had moments of self-doubt.

Second of all, if you knew me at all, if you'd read my blog, or my previous blog, you'd know we always said we'd "have one adopt one" long long before we knew we had fertility issues. In fact, our reasoning for 'having one' first was so that no adopted child would ever feel they weren't enough. So no, this isn't a resort of the desperate. It just took a long twisting and turning road for us to realize we were going to end up skipping over the 'having one' part. But sometimes I still hurt, and I get scared, and I have doubts. Hmmmm, I guess I'm a human.

Thirdly, the fact that you used the verbage "You want your own" makes me wonder about you and your thoughts on adopted children. I don't think of my future adopted child as anything but my own. So yes, I do want my own, and she will be it.

Oh anonymous. You bring tears to my eyes. You don't understand stream of consciousness. Just because I said I am tired of reading doesn't mean I won't read. It doesn't mean I haven't already read. Do you think for a second we just woke up one day and decided to adopt? If so, you don't know much about it or the process. Duh. My words in the previous post don't mean I won't fight the hardest fight I can to make sure I do the very best I can for my child. And I can't fault you for knowing this because no one here does--but we have already made a pretty significant decision after doing much reading on transracial adoptions that impacts our adoption in a huge way. In a way that will be wonderful and hard, but is in the very best interest (as best as we can tell with our research and reading!) for that child. So please, quit being hateful.

I have tears in my eyes because if you intent was to hurt me, consider yourself successful and give yourself a pat on the back. Feel better about yourself? In my estimation, intent is the most important thing related to our actions. My intent is to become a mother. A good mother. My intent in yesterday's post was to share my fears because I think they're normal. I won't apologize for them. I can't. Denying feelings is far worse than acknowledging them and dealing with them.

I know I can handle tough situations. Try mentoring a kid with all kinds of problems for seven years. Try changing your own father's diapers. Try going through fertility treatments. Maybe you did all these things and more, how do I know? You hid behind the comfort of anonymous judgement.

And for the rest of you who offered gentle support, encouragement, and no judgement, thanks. I recently read the following and it resonated with me: I've been blessed with love both human and divine and I believe that there is no essential difference between them. Any person who acts out of love is acting for God. Thank you for allowing me to be human. Thank you for allowing me to have a moment or two of self-doubt. Thank you for knowing that writing any of that won't make me any less of a mother; that acknowledging some of my fears should in fact make me a better mother.

Your intent is obvious.

PS I did go for that run. 8.1 miles. Another 5 today. And today--if I wrote my stream of consciousness--it would be completely different. Because today I teared up when we were trail running, the mister and I, and we stopped by the creek, running beautiful and clear, and saw four Dad's dipping their little babies into the water. And my heart leapt--leapt!--when I visualized Mr. LC dipping our little one into that same creek some day. It was a beautiful vision, one I can only hope will come true.

24 comments:

  1. (((HUGS)))

    Anonymous - a cowardly jerk.

    You are honest, you are real, and you care. These are the qualities needed to be a great parent. And you will be one.

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  2. ARGH! I'm so angry you were hit by a troll. What is wrong with people?! I really don't get it. I was hit last week. It sucks. And it bothered me for days. I now have to moderate comments, which also sucks, but I refuse to give them a forum.

    Ignore the haters. *We* know what a fantastic mother you'll make.

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  3. Here here. Ugh, I HATE trolls. Oh and it WILL come true. ((hugs))

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  4. What a turd, I am sorry you had to waste any post on such a freak.

    ((HUGS))

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  5. OMG, I just read that post and am grateful I can still comment and give you support. What an ass! I think that person didn't take his/her meds and wonder why people would be so hateful and stupid. The sane among us give you our total support.

    T

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  6. People are so RUDE and insensitive. If we all get it, understand you, WTF is wrong with the annonymous person? Clearly, s/he is missing the point! Don't worry about the one idiot out there, but focus on the rest of us who care about you and "get" you! :)

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  7. As always your words demonstrate a remarkable insight and strength that I envy. I'm so sorry that the cowardly anonymous commenter hurt you, but hopefully you know that the love of all your supporters outweighs their hate by a million to one.

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  9. UGH!! That commenter is a cowardly jerk!! I am sorry that (s)he spewed their hate here. We all know that you are going to be a wonderful mother and that your child will be 110% your own and will never think otherwise!

    I am glad you had a good run!! That is definitely my time to clear my head and work through whatever is filling up my mind. I still owe you a note back, BTW. Sorry!! Hugs :)

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  10. Mean people really suck! Try not to let it get to you. We all know that you and your child will be lucky to have each other :)

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  11. LC - I am so pissed right now!!I just wrote an entire comment, while spewing tears and blogger logged me out and I lost it alllll!!!

    I posted to your previous post, but now I am here as I truly want to offer you support.

    My comment went a little something like this:

    I read your previous post, started tearing up and then realized that "The Blind Side" started to play on HBO in the background. Somehow appropriate for this post.

    "Your team is your family Michael, protect their blind side."

    Michael get's his first bed...he's never had one. He wants a drivers license so he can have something in his wallet with his name on it.

    Mrs. Tuohy is at lunch with her sister and a few other "dollies." They comment on how she's changing his life. "No, he's changing ours."

    To a man in the stands at a football game -"See #74? Well That's my son"

    Michael's paper he wrote for high school graduation - "Any fool can have courage, but honor, that's the real reason why you do something. Hope for courage and try for honor."

    To Anonymous and to you alone - you clearly have no idea who LC is. She isn't saying she is not going to read about adoption, she's simply stating that she is TIRED! Infertility changes us to our core. She is shifting gears, changing course from a battle lost and a war still faught. Infertility has taken the wind out of her sails, it's deflated her sense of worth, notion of time and sense of direction in life. Infertility changes how we see the world, ourselves, motherhood. What we thought was true is no longer and she does want to be a mom, she's just having to shift gears, yet again, to learn how to navigate yet another set of tumultuous waters. She deserves a break at the very least, but really, she deserves respect. If you had any common decency, you'd have taken the time to read her ENTIRE blog before passing such harsh, narrow-minded judgement. If you feel so strongly about what other people choose to do, why don't you pour your heart and soul into a blog for all the world to read and critique. LC, more than some women who have children, deserves to be a mom and a mom she will be.

    LC, one day at a time... one day at a time. This child, YOUR child, will be blessed because you and Mr. LC are amazing people.

    Take a deep breath, put down the books, live a little, plan a little, play a little and know that we got your blind side...

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  12. I hate those comments, i have been getting them too. I hate that someone can read one post, take one comment, and make sweeping statements about you and your life. It is just not ok.
    Know this, you are amazing. That baby is going to be so loved and lucky to have parents who understand what is to want to be a parent. You will be a great mom. Please, please do not listen to those comments. Your doubts are normal. Hugs to you.

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  13. I actually feel pity for people who just surf the web looking for anonymous ways to dish out hatred and hurt.
    Are their personal lives so unfulfilling? It makes me sad to think that people sit around purposefully trying to belittle others, proving that they're the sad little souls we all imagine them to be.

    YOU, dear, are the opposite! Supportive, educated, well spoken, and charming! Keep 'em coming!

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  14. I'm really sorry you were hurt by Anonymous. It's crystal clear that he/she know nothing about you or your journey. Please do not censor your writing for a coward. We, who do know you and do know your journey, are rooting for you every step of the way. Keep the vision of the stream in your head; it will happen elliejxxxx

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  16. First off anonymous commenters piss me off! What better way to express how you feel and then not leave your name! Anonymous you might as well say nothing at all because you are a coward and your opinions don't matter here! Do you get pleasure out of hurting others, perhaps your next step should be to go see a therapist! All I can say to you "smug anonymous commenter" is that you are a grade A asshole!

    LC I have been reading your blog for awhile and I think the questions you had are 100% real. It would be un normal to not think some of those things mentioned yesterday. I have always loved how real you are in your writing and through all of your writing I can tell you are going to be an outstanding mom! You have given up so much of your life loving the child you do not even know yet. Don't let petty people like this bring you down.

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  17. Man, talk about kicking a girl when she's down. Obviously Anonymous hasn't been around your blogs long or she/he would have never said any of that you to. This person does not know you and is speaking out of ignorance. Don't let he/she get to you! Big hugs!

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  18. Well done LC. Absolutely brilliant.

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  19. I haven't read what anon wrote. I thought your stream of consciousness was brilliant - it shows how alike we all are - how these thoughts flow in and out and up and down - few stay for long, but they're there. And sometimes they need to be acknowledged.

    We're human, we doubt. Thinking of you.

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  20. look, isn't there some way you can find her IP address?
    so that I can kick her behiny for you?
    Hey I work in a prison, whaddya expect?

    What an asshole thing to say. I am all out of winning lotto numbers for ya. Prayers are never enough, they are all I can do for you and the Mr. L.

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  21. I am so sorry you had to dignify anon's comment with an entire blog post but I am so glad you did. People are morons. People make judgements about things they have no business judging. I know her comments were hurtful, but the way you responded showed so much strength. Thanks for responding - on behalf of all of us who have the same doubts and field the same stupid offhand remarks. I know this happened to you and not me, but I somehow feel vindicated too.

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  22. Sorry you had to get a negative, crappy comment. :(

    This is your blog. This is YOUR space.

    So if someone doesn't want to be supportive, then MOVE ON, I say to them. No one's forcing them to read. *sigh* Can't we follow a basic rule learned in Kindergarten and all just try to be a little nicer?

    Hugs to you, LC IVF.

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  23. I'm so sorry you had to respond to someone like that but you did it beautifully. When people make comments anonymously like that it really makes me wonder about their life. How bad must it be to have to be so hurtful to someone they don't even know and obviously have no clue about....

    Those of us who do 'know' you (at least through your blog) have no doubt you'll be a fantastic mother - and your doubts/thoughts just re-confirm that you'll do everything you can for those you love.

    Huge hugs to you! I hope you know that your support group far outweighs anyone else....

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  24. I'm just getting caught up on your blog, and OMG I can't believe you had to receive such awful words from someone who has NO IDEA who you are and what you're about. Baby Bump Bound said it best in her response. Mrs. LC, you have shed way too many tears to have more shed as a result of an anonymous jack$#^. Whatever happend to "If you don't have something nice to say, don't say it!"

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